Your Urge
by idioticonion
Summary: Barney and Robin just can't seem to get it together. Here are some of the reasons - 1st part from his POV, 2nd from her's. Spoilers generally for season 4
1. Chapter 1

**Your urge**

**1. Barney  
**

Barney wants to be with Robin but there are just so many girls. Tall girls, short girls, blonde girls, brunette girls, big boob-ed girls, perky girls, long-legged girls, slutty girls, demure girls, young girls, skinny girls, bubble-assed girls…

How is he supposed to settle for only one for the rest of his life?

And this… dating… it's not like shooting fish in a barrel, even. It's like they line up to throw themselves on his spear.

(hehe… spear...)

And so what if he gets sick of it occasionally, stuck on a whirling carousel until he's dizzy, shut in the candy factory until he's so bloated that he just wants to hurl? The choice, the ease at which it's possible to get laid, it's just… Sometimes he wants something more.

And so there's the challenges he sets himself, interspersed with bimbo binges and it's all gotten so out of control. It's too much, too much, just pushing and pushing and seeing how far he can go before someone stops him. Because there's no one there to stop him.

And then Robin does something…

She does something and it stops him in his tracks.

A look, a word, a smile. A hint of what's possible.

The run-away train slams right into a brick wall and he's left, open-mouthed at her awesomeness and frozen solid in two second's flat.

Goofy, Canadian ex-pop-star. And yeah, she's hot. And yeah, she's got Daddy issues.

But she's no bimbo and she's wrong for him in every possible way. Every way. She's wrong.

And yeah, she doesn't believe in commitment or kids or marriage or lameness.

But she's difficult and damaged and she's carrying more baggage than he is.

And yeah, she's a gun-nut and so bad-ass. She's got more balls than he has.

But she cried when she had to get rid of her dogs and her pain ate him up inside. He hated Ted for doing that to her.

Every time he acknowledges it, every time he begins to suspect that there's still a beating heart inside him somewhere, he's dragged back down by _choice_.

Same places, pockets full of scrawled first names and a string of digits.

And he feels something. He's not quite sure what it is - not love, he knows that, because he's felt that before and love's not quite this easy to fight down. It's not possible to drown out love with money and booze and… Perhaps this feeling is shame? It feels like he's failing at a game he doesn't even know how to score anymore.

He puts it down to a faulty nervous system. That night, he got too close to her, that's all. He's stuck in a trench and he just need to pull himself out of it.

But in the meantime he powers on, faster, faster, the life-and-soul, the clown, while maturity only nibbles around the edges of his consciousness.

In the meantime, there are so _many_ girls.


	2. Chapter 2

**2. Robin**

She lies to herself.

Robin says that she doesn't want commitment when what she doesn't want is long-term.

She says that she wants fun when what she doesn't want is to share too much of herself.

She says that she doesn't want romance when she just doesn't want to be smothered.

She says that she wants adventure when, really, all she wants is a guy who'll be kind to her.

Trouble is, she never used to be _that girl_. She never used to be someone that people would describe as "loose". How is it that she went from serial date-er to one-night-stand-er? When did that happen?

Now it's 6:45 in the morning and Robin's just leaving work when everyone else is waking up. She feels so giddy that she's ready to collapse. She _should_ be feeling young and alive and having the time in her life when actually she's stuck in a zombie-state, blundering around falling over things, making mistakes, barely able to focus because she's tired all the time.

So she pushes onwards, looking for something, searching for a guy, a partner, _fun_. She doesn't know what she's looking for.

Then Barney does something.

A look, a word, a smile. A hint of what's possible.

And for a moment, just a moment, it stops her in her tracks. Everything makes sense somehow, even in the midst of so much senselessness.

For a moment she contemplates their friendship growing and becoming something more.

For a moment…

But then she remembers what it was like with Ted. How she'd discovered all the downsides of a "relationship". How she'd changed (grown?) to accept (enjoy?) monogamy.

Barney's no Ted but he's wrong for her in every possible way. Every way. He's wrong.

He'd never cling to her, demand anything of her, but Robin's discovered her green-eyed monster and she can't shut it back in the box. She could never share any guy with a hundred other women. She knows that anything were ever to happen between her and Barney, that she'd get hurt. Maybe even he'd get hurt. Someone would get hurt.

But he's so god damn _hot_. She's never know a guy who gives her such an _urge_.

…the urge to grab his Italian silk tie and drag him back to her place like a dog on a leash.

…the urge to kiss him, just to see what he might do.

Trouble is, she's pretty sure it would mean the end of everything. She thinks about the three of them, about her and Barney and Ted. She knows that their friendship won't survive another blow like it took last summer.

And with no boyfriend and a crappy zombie-job, all she's left with is her friends.


End file.
